You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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