I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
