it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
