just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you win again, gameday.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
