He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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