I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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