New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
