He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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