I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
