If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
