I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
