i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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