Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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