She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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