When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
