It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
