Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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