Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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