I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
