absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
