Screwed.edu
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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