You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
