Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
