you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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