i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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