and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize