what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
pray to the hookup gods
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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