yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
