My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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