Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
