Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
