I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
