why didn't you poke me back
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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