Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
