8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
