So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
