$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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