It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
