You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize