haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My vagina is officially offended.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
