the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
