Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
