glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
