I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
