Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
