I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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