I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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