im drinking this country out of the recession.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
