I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
