wrigley field is MILF paradise
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
