Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
