fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
