I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I FOUND THE LEGS
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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