just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My life is pants optional.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
