so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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