That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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