don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
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