I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
