he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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