I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
