I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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