he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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