You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
