I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
