all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
