No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
