You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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