I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He shit in the fireplace
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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