You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
