sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize