the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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