He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
