Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
