Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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