do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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