Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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