So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
