just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
