I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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