You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
and she was petting her beer can
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
