Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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