Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
