At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
