he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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