nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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