dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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