i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
