Hey man sorry I got all grabby
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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