This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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